Taking the Plunge
by BadWolfBabe
Summary: Terra reflects on time with Slade and her own developing insecurity, but Beast Boy wants nothing more than for her to be happy.


Hey there everyone. I had a request to write more BB/T, and this story was an idea that had been floating around in my mind for a week or so. It is a little more angst-ridden than usual, but it deals with Terra's insecurity, and what I believe to be her past. I apologize if this story seems a little jumpy and all over the place (although, I do not think it is that bad); I wrote this last night and only took about fifteen minutes or so to clean it up this morning. I think it turned out quite well, but something about still nags me. Hmm. Maybe I'll grow to love it. (But maybe I won't.) Now then, feel free to review with suggestions; flames or any other form of "this story sucks" will not be tolerated. As I used to say way back when I was an anime writer: Love it or shove it.

Love to all - Michelle

Taking the Plunge

She sat in silence, just thinking. She picked a very peculiar place to be; on the ledge on top of the roof, staring at the roaring ocean water, her eyes glazing over with curiosity and nostalgia. Whether or not the nostalgia was good for her was debatable.

It was no secret that she was not very mentally stable – not in the schizophrenia sense, but in the bipolar sense. She had led a very secretive and dangerous life. Her past was certainly not the most pleasant out there. Her mother committed suicide when she was six and her father abused her simply because she was "never good enough." She ran away from her so-called home when she was ten. Around that time, she began to discover her extraordinary powers, that of which were no more stable than she was. Her first "home" since she ran away was in a valley close to a blossoming city. Around her eleventh birthday, she began to understand what exactly she could do with this gift of hers. But one day while experimenting, what was left of her innocence was destroyed.

She had accidentally caused an earthquake, killing at least ten people.

Thus began her habit of city hopping. She stayed anywhere she could sleep soundly (and somewhat safely) and experiment with her powers. By the time she was fifteen, she had lived in over thirty cities, causing catastrophe wherever she went. It was like a bad dream; every time she tried to start over, she would be forced to move again. Nobody would talk to her, as if they knew what she had done. Nobody would accept her. She felt confused, angry, and upset. She felt her mental state slip, and her self-esteem hit rock bottom. What was wrong with her? Was she just unacceptable? Worthless? Could nothing go right in her life?

But then she reached Jump City, and it was like she stepped into a whirlwind of confusion. Who could she trust – the Titans or Slade? Who really betrayed whom?

She had told him everything she could, enough so that she could at least go through a day without a mental breakdown. But her guilt began to override her more than anything – she wanted to trust them, yet her master said she couldn't. She felt safe in their home, yet he betrayed her, didn't he? Was she just thinking too hard? Were her insecurities getting to her? Oh, how she wanted a second chance, to take a step back and be able to understand what she really wanted.

In the end, she figured out she wanted to be in the Titans, but her second chance would have to wait. Her stony prison made it impossible to do anything; it was a step below (or perhaps above) death.

A second chance eventually came, but she still felt uncertain. So here she sat, on the ledge of the tower, staring down at the ocean and the jagged rocks that surrounded it. One sudden move could mean her death, yet again.

"Terra?" Beast Boy asked, sounding somewhat unsure. "Are you feeling okay? You ran out in the middle of dinner."

Terra closed her eyes, burying her face in her arms. As if she needed reminding of what had happened not too long ago.

She chose not to speak, in fear of saying the wrong thing. Rather, she glanced up at the cloudless sky, where in which the moon shined brightly. How she longed to be like the moon – bright, happy, and beautiful. She felt the familiar sting of tears brim. Biting her lip, she glanced at her knees. Even they seemed imperfect.

"Terra… you haven't talked to me in a while." Beast Boy faltered for a moment, considering his wording. "Well, you have, just not… not like we used to." He sat down next to her, glancing at her face. Even when she was upset, she seemed to glow with beauty. If only she could see that. "You used to tell me everything. I know it's clichéd but it does help. So what's on your mind? Why aren't you… happy?"

She still refused to speak, this time because of her insecurity. What was saying he was going to keep everything to himself, and not laugh at her afterward?

Beast Boy got the hint, because he did not continue to pester her. She would speak when she was ready. But he couldn't help but look at her. It seemed to fascinate him that she liked him as much as he liked her. Or at least, she used to feel that way. He exhaled deeply, and forced himself to stare straight ahead.

Terra glanced at the ocean, thinking about her time with Slade. Why had she done it? Why? She was so vulnerable, but still, he promised something and he gave it to her. Yet, there's still no excuse for the way he treated her, beating her brutally. It was almost as if she were living with her father again.

When she was with Slade, it was almost like living a dream. A bad dream. A nightmare. When she left the Titans, she was lost in a swarm of her own imaginary betrayal and fury. She didn't know where she was going, or what she was going to do. She was unstable, and would listen to anyone who showed the smallest ounce of compassion to her. She needed to feel accepted, even if it meant throwing away her own image.

Terra spoke, a thought occurring to her. "Have you ever wondered what it would feel like if you jumped off the tower right now, head first into the water, not knowing where you're going, or if you're coming back? Would the waves pull you under, or would you be able to emerge victorious, alive?" Beast Boy stared at her, unsure of what she meant. "Have you ever wondered what it'd feel like to plug your nose and jump it, risking everything for a simple thrill, or simply to find out if you're really alive?"

"Terra." He spoke, sounding concerned.

She ignored his tone. "I do. I know exactly what it's like." She turned her head slightly and looked at him. "That's exactly how it felt when I went to Slade. I had no idea what I was doing, or if I was going to emerge, but for some reason, I felt compelled to do it anyway."

Beast Boy inhaled sharply. No one had mentioned her betrayal to the team in fear of stirring some sort of emotion deep inside of Terra. But here she was, speaking about it. He felt relieved, but frightened all at the same time.

Terra finally noticed his concern, and shot him a small smile. "I took the plunge: head first, breath withheld, eyes closed… I just jumped right in and hoped for the best." She glanced down at the ocean, and felt herself cringe when a wave crashed noisily against the rocks. "And that's exactly what happened to me – I crashed and burned."

Beast Boy felt his expression fell. He had imagined that Terra didn't really know what she was doing when she went to Slade, but it sounded as if there were underlying reasons as well. More to the story, not as cut and dry as he thought.

Going along with her metaphor, he said, "Maybe you needed a life jacket."

She looked at him, eyeing him peculiarly. "Oh? And what good what that've done?"

He shrugged, feeling somewhat dumb. "You would've floated for a bit, and then been able to climb out of the water. Jumping in with a life jacket is like jumping in and knowing for sure that you're gonna come out again, whether you can swim or not."

Terra let a single tear slide down her face. "Yeah, but I couldn't afford a life jacket."

Beast Boy considered this for a moment. She had the Titans, and mostly, she had him. But she never knew it; since the night at the amusement park, she had thought that she had no friends.

"That doesn't matter now." He stared straight into her frightened eyes. "You have a lot of life jackets now. And with me… hell you have a whole friggen life boat."

She let a smile slide onto her face, despite her attitude. "Sometimes I wonder why I really went. And honestly, I think it's because I felt hurt by you. I thought you told Robin, and I had seen this happen before – I couldn't stand it happening again." She put a sincere look on her face. "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. I should've trusted you more."

"It's okay, Terra. I understand. You were confused; you didn't know better."

"No, it's not okay. I was fifteen. I should've known better. I can't believe I did something like that!" She jumped to her feet, teetering over the edge for a minute. "If I jumped now…" She trailed off.

Beast Boy leaped up and grabbed her arm. "Terra, that's in the past. You have to accept it. I know it's not pretty, but I think if you could stand here and honestly tell me you realize that there's nothing you can do about it, you'd feel a lot better."

"I can't just do that."

"Why not?"

Terra shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm afraid of the future. What if it happens again?"

Beast Boy pulled her into an embrace. "I won't let it happen. I'm your life jacket, remember?"

She pulled away from him, a smile on her face, and tears running down her cheeks. "I keep forgetting that. It's just so hard for me to trust."

He could understand why, even if he wanted to cut to the chase and make her happy. This would take a while, but he was willing to wait.

He glanced over the edge, watching as the waves continued to cycle: approach, crash, retreat. He grabbed her hand, and squeezed it tight. He wondered what was going on in her mind – if he was actually making a difference.

"I'll jump if you jump." The words left his mouth before he could stop them.

Terra looked startled, but then cocked her head. "Okay," she said, sounding unsure of herself.

They jumped off the ledge and pulled off their boots and gloves. Terra pulled the goggles from her neck, and then removed her AC/DC shirt and black sweatpants, leaving her in only a black bra and panties. Beast Boy felt his heart jump into his throat. She was beautiful. Simply beautiful.

To make her feel less self-conscious, he pulled off his own outfit, leaving him in cartoonish boxers, to which she smirked at.

"What?" He said wildly.

"Nothing." She said quietly, "They're cute."

She reached for his hand, and then led him to the edge. Without counting, which was his original plan, she jumped in, dragging him behind.

It was a rush. The air running through her hair, seeing the watery destination below. Normally, she would have felt nervous, but knowing she had Beast Boy with her, it was like everything was okay.

They landed in a giant splash, submerging deeper and deeper. She opened her eyes, but the sting from the salt water was too much. She suddenly felt something tugging her upward, and before she knew it, she was at the surface, bobbing in wake. Beast Boy was smiling at her.

"I told you I wouldn't let anything happen to you." He inched closer to her, until their noses were touching. "Not now, not ever."

Both Beast Boy and Terra knew it was a risky promise, considering that they usually faced danger on a daily basis, and that either way, they usually got hurt. But the love was there, and that's all that mattered to her.

And as they were swimming closer to the rocks, Terra realized that he truly meant it. He certainly wasn't going to let her die any time soon, as long as he could prevent it anyway.

The past was the past. She had to accept it, no matter how much she wanted to change it. The present is the present, and she has to live in it, no matter how insecure she was. And the future would be the future, whether she liked it or not.

And who knows? With Beast Boy and the rest of the Titans by her side, maybe she'd learn to like it after all.

-FIN-


End file.
